It's Christmas!!

It's Christmas again... Time flies..

At this time of last year, I was alone physically but I was not lonely because my baby is with me although we were far apart.

This year, although I have friends around me, but I'm feeling so lonely.
Seeing friends around me getting married, but I still cant find someone that belongs to me. What's happening to me? Where's my happiness?


Sometimes I'm thinking if I didn't broke up with my 3-year-bf 2 years ago, I will not have all this trouble of getting a new one. Although he's not the one that I really wanna be with but at least I felt secured when I was with him. Problems started when I got stronger and being more independent... Isn't it be good if life stays constant forever? Isn't it be good if I don't have too much demand and too high expectations?

My friends were right... I'm too cool and too cold towards others. Sometimes I really hate myself of being too 'cold' to people around me especially if I found out that person has interest on me. Probably is because of previous relationships that made me become so overprotective.

I just dont know who is the right person for me... what's my destined life...
Although I've the most enjoyable life and happy life as I have lots of friends around me who care about me, love me, appreciate me, I get good results, I have my family that loves me so much, but it meant nothing when nobody is sharing the happiness with me.

I used to be a girl who cries easily... and that's why I used to have a pair of beautiful watery eyes. But, not anymore when I get stronger... The stronger I become, the more I don't need a guy. In fact, few seconds of silent moment, the stronger I become, the more lonely I am...

Bad Day

What a bad day for me! Woke up and wanted to go for jogging but it was raining. So, I continued my sleep. Then, with the blurred mind and blurred eyesight, wanted to start writing my assignment that will be due in 4 days' time, but, realised that my laptop couldn't be turned on!! WHAT HAPPEN???!!! I was really conscious by then. Kept on trying and hoping some miracle to happen. Hoping it's the adapter problem. Yeah, I could insert my battery but my battery is dead for quite some time!!

Alright! Wanted to call my friends to see if any of them are using the same brand of laptop as mine. MY PHONE IS OUT OF CREDIT where i can only send the most 2 texts and it was raining heavily outside. I text my friend to ask him to give me a call. He did give me a ring after that but I missed the call. Last 10p, still sufficient to miss call my friend. But,... it entered to the voicemail box. All my credit is gone. %$&@!?@&*

Finally, gave up. Rain stopped. And, here I am in the library doing my assignment. Plugged in my headphone. Turn on the music from the computer as usual. After an hour, somebody turned to me. I took off my headphone. I heard my loud music COMING FROM THE SPEAKER OF THE COMPUTER!!! Oh God, hoping there's a hole for me to hide my head. WTH with me today???!!! Hoping all these bad things stop right now.

1st time - Fried Chicken

Kind of good mood I'm today! Don't know why just out of a sudden feel like cooking a dish that I've never done before as I don't really do any deep frying dishes. Today, is the 1st time I cooked fried chicken. From marinate to serve. Quite satisfied with the output. Should have take a picture to keep it as memory. Since no picture was taken, so I decided to record my "1st time" in my blog.

The satisfaction and happiness came from the time when I saw the kids are enjoying and praising the yummy yummy tasty fried chicken. I would say that's the satisfaction and enjoyment of a chef by seeing people finish up their food.

Well.... let me recall my recipe... (for 4 chicken wings including the drummets)

1. Marinate the chicken with salt, black pepper, garlic and spring onion (suppose it will taste better if I used garlic powder)

2. Put it in the refrigerator.

After 3 hours (*The longer the better I think) -- Prepare the batter

1. Flour + salt + pepper --> mix it together (suppose it will taste better to include some garlic powder and less pepper)

2. Add in some milk

3. Beat an egg in then mix the batter well

Frying time...

1. Heat up the oil

2. Mix the chicken wing with the batter in a plastic bag --> Shake it to ensure the whole chicken wing is evenly but not thickly coated.

3. Put it into the oil

What is Love?

What's Love? Love is all about the right place, right time and the right person.

I don't know how true was your love for me. Looking at those emails, messages and chatting, I can feel your love for me. But, sometimes, I felt you're just being good to me.

Don't you know how hurt I was of hearing your "gf" telling me that you're just being good to me and that's from you.

After we broke up, u still sending me emails and texts telling me how much you love me and how much you missed me. Why? Why? What's the reason of you doing so since you were with another girl?

That's life. What a challenging and unpredictable love life I had. Always I'm thinking how did I fall in love with u so deeply when my intention of accepting you is to forget the hurt caused by another person (I knew that's a very bad idea). You, a person who does not meet most of the criteria I'm looking for, how did I fall for you?

From could not care to bother to could not live a day without bothering. From dislike to deeply in love. From dislike to crazy over you. From unintentional to ready to be committed. From a mind full of him to a mind full of you. 360 degree changed. Willing to change my future plan just because of you. Willing to give up comfy life just because of you. Willing to accept whatever ridiculous excuses or reasons given just because is you. I could ensure nobody else could change my life totally like this.

If given me a chance, I will not want to accept your love since that was not my intention. Accepting your love to forget the hurt resulted in greater (or probably greatest) hurt. But, I would really love to be with u forever given the right place and right time. And, given the right place and right time, will you hold on strong your love for me? Will your eyes see only me?

Whatever it is, you're always the one I love the most. Always take good care of yourself. I guess I do not need to wish you of having happiness as I think you had found your happiness. Still, in my heart, till now, I wanted to say to you I love you so much and I miss you so much, baby.

You're like a sleeping volcano...

I wondering why till now you're still haunting me? Sometimes I thought I have forget about you, forget about our past, forget about all the unhappy and even happy moments. Now, I realised I have never forget about you. You are just like a sleeping volcano deep inside my heart. When it explodes, I can still feel the pain, I can still feel how much I miss you.

On a sleepless night, I was thinking how did I able to survive for so long when you are not beside me and you are with another girl. I just could not understand.

Tried to be strong in front of you and the girl. Pretending everything is over in my heart. Pretending to be generous. Nobody knows how hurt I am deep inside. Why should I be good to both of you? Happiness that you are having is from the suffering and hurtful sacrifice that I have made. A fact that even I do not dare to admit, that is, I am missing you and I am still crying over you not because of the hurt but the feeling of missing you.

So many questions in my heart that I really hope to get a clear answer from you. But, I think it is useless to ask because it is not going to change any of our current situation. I am clear with my standing that I have made the right decision of letting you go. Without you, I can work towards my goal and you too, can continue working towards your dream.

Sometimes, looking back at your text, listening to our phone conversation, all I feel is your love. Even such a strong feeling of love can end up in separation, I just don't know what is love anymore.

A Wonderful Voice

It's been years that I've not listen to any new Chinese songs. One day, this voice, a new voice, a touching voice has changed me. Falling in love with the way he sings, his movements, n his voice.

His voice calm down my mind.

His voice blanked my mind.

His voice touches my heart deeply.

Saw him once singing live for the launched of his 1st album i guess. But, my feeling was s0-s0. Now, saw his great improvement, big leap forward. This person is nobody else but Andrew Tan. To me, he has the potential to glow brightly on stage. Hopefully, his efforts and his passion will be appreciated.

Catch him on You Tube - Andrew Tan 陈势安

Andrew Tan - Tian Hou

Andrew Tan - Yan Zhe Yue Guang

Andrew Tan - Xiao Xing Fu

Andrew Tan - Wo Bu Guan and many more...

Some Meaningful Sentences about life...

Without your involvement you can't succeed

With your involvement you can't fail

The happiest ppl do not necessarily have the best of all

They simply appreciate what they find on their way

Write your Sad times in sand

Write your Good times in Stone

Dream of what you most enjoy

Go where you want to go

Be whom you want to be

You have but one life to achieve what you want to achieve

What is the Secret of SUCCESS?

... RIGHT DECISIONS

How do you make Right Decisions?

...EXPERIENCE

How do you get Experience?

... WRONG DECISIONS

The most important thing in life is LEARN FROM MISTAKES...

Forget what's gone

Leave what's behind you

Your failures and your pain

If you've been negative about yourself in the past

turn over a new leaf in your life and

become someone who is so positive that you'll be able to

influence others' lives for the better.

Benefit from Learning to the Max

No books and notes will be given for studies. Sounds great?? Not at all. No guidance?? How to study? How to learn from this module? What I would say is through reflection.
Reflection will enable us to know, through our learning diary, our strengths and weaknesses. Learning is not just what are being taught but how do we feel and think on the things being taught.

'It is not sufficient simply to have an experience in order to learn. Without reflecting upon this experience it may quickly be forgotten, or its learning potential lost. It is from the feelings and thoughts emergin from this reflection that generalisations or concepts can be generated. And it is generalisations that allow new situations to be tackled effectively.'
(Gibbs 1988)

Learning does not end after classes ended.

'...learning occurs because of the process both at the teaching and owner level."
(Woodward 1998, p.416)

"One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one's mind, pours them into a basin, and examines them at one's leisure. It becomes easier to spot patterns and links, you understand, when they are in this form," said Dumbledore in Harry Porter.
(Rowling 2000)

Without looking back at the mistakes and weaknesses, how are we gonna learn and improve? The most important is not the results but the process. Did you try your very best? Is this the best you could do? Did you realise your weaknesses and mistakes? Did you learn from your mistakes and others mistakes?

Give a thought on it...

What do I want?

What do I actually want? Why do I still think of my ex? I do not wanna be with him. I've chose to leave him. But, y m I still thinking about him?

It is so hard to tell lies. The hardest lie is to tell the person u love that u dont have any feelings for him anymore and begged him to let u go... The hardest lie is telling the person u miss that u dont miss him at all.

Why is our life like world apart? Why? Why m I still keeping our pictures? Why m I still keeping his msg? Why m I still wearing our rings? Why m I still wearing his t-shirt? Why m I still listen to his recordings? Why m I still watching his videos? What do I really want? To be with him?? No!! I DONT WANT!!!

So many times I was alone I couldn't sleep
You left me drowning in the tears of memory
And ever since you've gone, I found it hard to breathe
Cause there was so much that your heart just couldn't see
A thousand wasted dreams rolling off my eyes
But time will heal me and I'll say goodbye to those memories


I hope to breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I hope to feel free again, so innocent
Cause someone will make me whole again for sure
I'll find another you
(Another you by Cascada)

Just hope that I could find someone who deserved my love. Hope to find someone who can love me wholeheartedly. Hope to find someone who can make me forget about those unhappy memories. Hope to find someone who can stay beside me forever.

Someday you'll gonna realize
One day you'll see through my eyes
But then i won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if i can't


I know
You don't really see my worth
You think your the last guy on earth
Well I've got news for you
I know I'm not that strong
But it won't take long
Won't take long


Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day I'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday


But now
I know you can't tell
I'm down,and I'm not doing well
But one day these tears
They will all run dry
I won't have to cry

Sweet goodbye
(Someday by Nina)

Broken heart...

Isn't it funny that the person who said I'll never hurt u are the one who actually hurt u the most... where not even mendable pieces of the broken heart are left...

Someone ever sang this song to me, I'll Never Go by Erik Santos. I wonder is he just singing for fun. Words nowadays cannot be trusted anymore?

I'll never go far away from u.
Even the sky will tell u that i need u so
(Oh really??? Need me or need a girl???)
For this is all I know, I'll never go far away from u
(How far is considered as far???).

Nervous moment...

An email popped out, it was from my lecturer... Oh gosh, that's my result for my coursework. I almost couldn't breathe. Heartbeat increased. My stupid lag-computer made me even more nervous while downloading and opening the result in word file.

  

Guess what!! After opening the file, I found butterflies in my stomach! It's really unbelievable to have that results!!! Mouth couldn't stop smiling... That's a great smile after long period of stress and emoness!!! I'm really glad that my hardwork finally get repaid!!! Satisfy!!! Happy!!! Thanksful!!!


It's time to get back to my preparation for the last presentation tomorrow and continue my last written assignment due next monday. Hopefully everything will be fine. 1st class degree?? 2nd upper?? No idea...