It's Christmas!!

It's Christmas again... Time flies..

At this time of last year, I was alone physically but I was not lonely because my baby is with me although we were far apart.

This year, although I have friends around me, but I'm feeling so lonely.
Seeing friends around me getting married, but I still cant find someone that belongs to me. What's happening to me? Where's my happiness?


Sometimes I'm thinking if I didn't broke up with my 3-year-bf 2 years ago, I will not have all this trouble of getting a new one. Although he's not the one that I really wanna be with but at least I felt secured when I was with him. Problems started when I got stronger and being more independent... Isn't it be good if life stays constant forever? Isn't it be good if I don't have too much demand and too high expectations?

My friends were right... I'm too cool and too cold towards others. Sometimes I really hate myself of being too 'cold' to people around me especially if I found out that person has interest on me. Probably is because of previous relationships that made me become so overprotective.

I just dont know who is the right person for me... what's my destined life...
Although I've the most enjoyable life and happy life as I have lots of friends around me who care about me, love me, appreciate me, I get good results, I have my family that loves me so much, but it meant nothing when nobody is sharing the happiness with me.

I used to be a girl who cries easily... and that's why I used to have a pair of beautiful watery eyes. But, not anymore when I get stronger... The stronger I become, the more I don't need a guy. In fact, few seconds of silent moment, the stronger I become, the more lonely I am...